Have you ever had one of those days where everything seems to be going wrong, and all you can think is, ‘I just need a laugh’?
You know, one of those moments where a funny meme, a silly joke, or a witty one-liner would be just the thing to turn your frown upside down?
Well, you’re in luck! I’ve got a treasure trove of funny quotes that are guaranteed to put a smile on your face and make you laugh out loud.
With 167 hilarious quotes to choose from, you’ll find the perfect antidote to a bad day. Whether you’re looking for a quick pick-me-up or just need a reminder that life is too short to take seriously, these funny quotes have got you covered.
In this article, I’ll share my favorite funny quotes with you, covering everything from silly jokes to witty one-liners and beyond.
So, what are you waiting for? Dive in and get ready to laugh your way to a better day with these funny quotes!
Laughter is the Best Medicine: 167 Funny Quotes to Brighten Your Day
When it comes to lifting our spirits and putting a smile on our face, few things are as effective as a well-timed funny quote.
Whether you’re looking for a quick pick-me-up or a reminder that life is too short to take seriously, funny quotes have a way of making us laugh, think, and feel better.
From witty one-liners to silly jokes and puns, funny quotes have a way of breaking the ice and bringing people together.
In the following sections, we’ll dive into our collection of 167 funny quotes, covering everything from love and relationships to work and everyday life.
So, get ready to LOL with these hilarious funny quotes that are sure to brighten your day and leave you feeling uplifted and inspired!
1. “Laughter is the best medicine, unless you need actual medicine.”
2. “My bed and I are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps interrupting.”
3. “I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.”
4. “If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.”
5. “I’m on a 30-day diet; so far, I’ve lost 15 days.”
6. “The only thing I throw better than shade is a tantrum.”
7. “Exercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
8. “If only opening my wallet burned as many calories as the gym.”
9. “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.”
10. “My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.”
11. “They say ‘don’t try this at home,’ so I’m coming over.”
12. “I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paychecks.”
13. “Chocolate doesn’t ask questions; chocolate understands everything.”
14. “I wish everything was as easy as getting fat.”
15. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”
16. “When nothing goes right, go left—and get more snacks.”
17. “My brain has too many tabs open, and none are loading.”
18. “I told myself I should stop drinking coffee; then I laughed.”
19. “My diet plan: make all of my friends eat more.”
20. “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
21. “I need a six-month vacation twice a year.”
22. “I’m not lazy; I’m on energy-saving mode.”
23. “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!”
24. “I don’t go crazy; I am crazy. I just go normal sometimes.”
25. “I put the ‘pro’ in procrastination.”
26. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”
27. “I don’t need a hairstylist; my pillow gives me a new style every morning.”
28. “I’m not great at advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”
29. “I thought growing up would be more fun than this.”
30. “I can resist anything, except temptation.”
31. “Life is short—smile while you still have teeth.”
32. “I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
33. “My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.”
34. “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”
35. “I don’t need an inspirational quote. I need coffee.”
36. “Common sense is like deodorant. People who need it most never use it.”
37. “If lying was a job, some people would be billionaires.”
38. “I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s like seven years in a row.”
39. “I’m on a roll. And by ‘roll,’ I mean the couch.”
40. “There’s no ‘we’ in fries.”
41. “I told myself I should clean the house; then I laughed and had a snack.”
42. “My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch.”
43. “Dear math, grow up and solve your own problems.”
44. “I don’t have a bucket list, but my fucket list is a mile long.”
45. “The only marathon I run is a Netflix marathon.”
46. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.”
47. “Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.”
48. “I told my boss I needed a raise. He said, ‘Why? You barely make a dent.'”
49. “I thought I wanted a career, but it turns out I just wanted more naps.”
50. “A clean house is a sign of a broken computer.”
51. “I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore, and forget at the same time.”
52. “Don’t give up on your dreams—keep sleeping.”
53. “If Monday had a face, I’d punch it.”
54. “I’m at that age where my mind says ‘yes,’ but my back says ‘what do you think you’re doing?'”
55. “I like long romantic walks to the fridge.”
56. “Diet tip: If you want to feel thinner, hang out with people who eat more.”
57. “I’m on that new diet where you eat everything and pray for a miracle.”
58. “My brain is 90% song lyrics I’ll never need.”
59. “I used to be a people person, but people ruined that for me.”
60. “I’m not lazy; I’m in energy-saving mode.”
61. “I put my phone on airplane mode, but it’s not taking off.”
62. “Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring, so I go back to being me.”
63. “I hate it when I gain 10 pounds for a role, and then realize I’m not an actor.”
64. “If people say they just love the smell of books, I always want to pull them aside and say, ‘To be clear, do you know how reading works?'”
65. “I really should do something with my life… maybe tomorrow.”
66. “My bed is a magical place; I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.”
67. “I wonder what happens when a fly realizes it’s in a car and not in the world.”
68. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure.”
69. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”
70. “Do you ever just lie on the sofa and think, ‘I’ve got to do something… later.'”
71. “I’m on a new diet. I leave all the junk food at the store.”
72. “My hobbies include eating and complaining that I’m gaining weight.”
73. “I could be a morning person, if morning started at noon.”
74. “If you fall, I’ll be there—signed, the floor.”
75. “Life is short; buy the shoes and eat the cake.”
76. “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
77. “Sometimes, I shock myself with the smart things I say and do. Other times, I try to get out of the car with my seatbelt on.”
78. “If being awesome was a crime, I’d probably still be fine.”
79. “Life status: currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.”
80. “I can’t adult today. Please don’t make me adult.”
81. “I like my bed more than most people.”
82. “I’d lose weight, but I hate losing.”
83. “I’ll get over it. I just need to be dramatic first.”
84. “I can’t do everything, but I sure can do nothing.”
85. “Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say, ‘I know it’s hard. You’re going to be okay. Here’s coffee. And five million dollars.'”
86. “I wish I were a little kid so I could take a long nap and everyone would just be proud of me.”
87. “My bed and I are in a committed relationship.”
88. “Sometimes, my greatest accomplishment is just keeping my mouth shut.”
89. “If only common sense was more common.”
90. “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”
91. “I’m just a girl, standing in front of a salad, wishing it was a donut.”
92. “I don’t sweat—I sparkle.”
93. “I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.”
94. “I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
95. “Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!”
96. “I don’t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it.”
97. “I told myself that I should stop drinking, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who talks to himself.”
98. “Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. That makes it a plant. Therefore, chocolate is salad.”
99. “Of course I talk to myself—sometimes I need expert advice.”
100. “I love my six-pack so much, I cover it with a layer of fat.”
101. “Whoever said, ‘Do what you love,’ obviously wasn’t talking about Mondays.”
102. “You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you like to do for fun.”
103. “I’m on that new diet where I just don’t eat and feel great. Oh wait, that’s starvation.”
104. “If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be rich.”
105. “I enjoy long, romantic walks to the fridge.”
106. “I wish I was a kid again so I could just nap and snack.”
107. “Today’s forecast: 100% chance of Netflix.”
108. “If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘chocolate’ and I’ll turn around.”
109. “Sleep like no one is watching… because they’re not. They’re all on their phones.”
110. “I don’t mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 20 minutes.”
111. “I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym again. That’s like 7 years in a row.”
112. “I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.”
113. “I’m not lazy. I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.”
114. “I think my guardian angel drinks.”
115. “I hate it when people ask me what I’m doing tomorrow; I don’t even know what I’m doing now.”
116. “I’m not bossy; I just know what you should be doing.”
117. “If I woke up in the morning and nothing hurt, I would think I was dead.”
118. “I need a six-month holiday, twice a year.”
119. “I don’t go looking for trouble; trouble usually finds me.”
120. “I’d give up sarcasm, but that leaves interpretive dance.”
121. “Do you ever look at someone and think, ‘Yeah, they’re going to be a problem?'”
122. “I used to jog, but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.”
123. “You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a taco.”
124. “When someone says ‘you can’t,’ do it twice and take pictures.”
125. “I don’t need a hairstylist; my pillow gives me a new style every morning.”
126. “My day starts backwards. I wake up tired and go to bed wide awake.”
127. “I don’t trip over things; I do random gravity checks.”
128. “Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair.”
129. “I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you.”
130. “Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up. I want you back.”
131. “I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted more naps.”
132. “Nothing ruins a Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.”
133. “I’m not arguing. I’m just proving that I’m right.”
134. “Not to brag, but I still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.”
135. “If only common sense was common, the world would be peaceful.”
136. “That awkward moment when you realize the song you’ve been singing is completely wrong.”
137. “I don’t have a bucket list, but my fucket list is a mile long.”
138. “I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.”
139. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”
140. “My goal this weekend is to move only enough so people know I’m not dead.”
141. “I can’t cook. My microwave just set my smoke alarm off.”
142. “I wish I had a friend like me.”
143. “You know you’re getting old when you feel like you haven’t slept but you haven’t been up either.”
144. “Sometimes I tell myself I can’t lose weight because my body and fat have built a really good relationship.”
145. “I eat cake because it’s someone’s birthday somewhere.”
146. “I’m trying to diet, but it keeps skipping my mind.”
147. “I might look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head, I’m quite busy.”
148. “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.”
149. “I’m not sarcastic. I’m just really good at explaining things you don’t understand.”
150. “My kids keep me grounded, just not in a good way.”
151. “I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that’s where that traitor will stay until further notice.”
152. “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”
153. “You’re not lazy; you’re just on power-saving mode.”
154. “Some people age like wine; others age like milk.”
155. “Who knew adulting was just Googling stuff.”
156. “I’ve learned so much from my mistakes, I’m thinking of making a few more.”
157. “If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, why did it fall off?”
158. “I’m on a new diet; I leave food in the store.”
159. “Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.”
160. “You know you’re an adult when the thought of a nap excites you.”
161. “When nothing goes right, go to bed.”
162. “You know you’re old when ‘happy hour’ means a nap.”
163. “I got a sweater for my birthday. I wanted a screamer or a moaner.”
164. “You know you’re lazy when you get excited about canceling plans.”
165. “I’m not saying I’m the best, but I’m definitely somewhere in the top.”
166. “You know you’re a real adult when staying in is your idea of going out.”
167. “They say ‘don’t try this at home,’ so I’m coming over.”
We hope these 167 funny quotes have brought a smile to your face and a spring to your step.
Laughter is a powerful tool that can help us navigate even the toughest days, and we’re glad we could share some of our favorite funny quotes with you.
From silly jokes to witty one-liners, these funny quotes are designed to make you laugh, think, and feel better.
Whether you’re looking for a way to brighten up your morning, or a pick-me-up to get you through a long day, we hope these funny quotes have provided just what you needed.
So go ahead, bookmark this page and come back to these funny quotes whenever you need a laugh – and don’t forget to share them with your friends and family to spread the joy!
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